The full text of my in-depth interview with Savannah magazine is below!

One sentence that captures your literary lifestyle.

I'm not sure what a "lifestyle" is, but I think it probably involves having Jacuzzi bathtubs and expensive underwear, so a "literary lifestyle" would probably mean having a very fine bathtub in which one could read, which would likely also require bookcases fabricated from many types of elegant wood. I'm pretty sure underwear should not be made of wood, even if it's very nice wood. So, to sum up, my literary lifestyle involves wearing wooden underwear, as a way to inspire today's youth.

What writing/poetry project are you working on right now?

I've just finished my first book, The World's Largest Man: A Memoir, published by HarperCollins, although that's quite possibly a lie that my agent, Cheryl, told me. She doesn't seem like a liar, but then, that's exactly how a liar would want to seem, which probably means she is a liar. Honestly, I'm not even sure "Cheryl" is her real name, or even what the name of my book is. Originally, I wanted to call it Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, but "Cheryl" said that this was already taken, but then remember, she's a liar! She said my book comes out in May 2015, but then, is May even a real month? And isn't 2015, like, in the future? I am so confused.

(UPDATE: I just remembered that my agent's real name is Deborah and she's not a liar at all. I'm sure of it.)

Why is Savannah the perfect place to hone your craft?

Savannah has so many things a writer needs, such as liquor stores and indoor plumbing, plus, this is where my house is, and it would be pretty inconvenient to hone my craft in a place like Lansing, Michigan, where none of my clothes are. Also, "hone my craft" sounds like something you would say if you owned a boat. Honing is such a necessary thing to do with crafts, I am guessing, be they boats or non-boats. Honestly, I came to Savannah for one reason: SCAD, because they agreed to pay me if I did certain things, such as work. I could've worked for other universities in other more boring towns, but I chose SCAD because when you put that many strange, productive, beautiful, soothsaying people in one place, magical things can happen, such as marriages, to produce even more strange people. We're taking over. We're slowly replacing the strange natives of Savannah with strange non-natives of non-Savannah, although our children are being born here, so I guess they'll just be plain old strange natives, which Savannah has always had. Which is how it should be.

Where can we read you/see you perform now?

I write a monthly humor column for the Oxford American magazine called Big Chief Tablet: A Monthly Humor Column. Did I mention its monthly, and humorous, and in the form of a column? Actually, it's possibly not funny at all. My wife, for example, frequently doesn't laugh at it, although she frequently doesn't laugh at many things, such as cancer, or my writing, which is like cancer in many ways, according to her.

Where do you write/compose? Do you have any rituals to get you in “the zone?”

I write at a kitchen table in a bedroom in my house, which I guess makes it a bedroom table, which sounds like it would be illegal in Utah. I have a standing desk, which my children find upsetting. I don't really have any rituals to get me in "the zone," other than sacrificing a squirrel at the start of every writing session. So I guess that's a ritual, in a way. It's not religious or anything. It's just, I like to eat squirrel.

What did your parents think when you told them you wanted to be a writer?

I lied and told them I was going into the ministry, which is why they were so supportive.

What’s next on your literary landscape?

One of the most important things a writer can do is read, so I plan on learning to read next year, with the proceeds from my book.

What’s your six-word bio?

Was never molested, am pretty sure

Your prediction for Savannah’s literary future?

I think the stage is set for Savannah to become the Mexico City of literary towns, by which I mean the Spokane of places where one can write like one lives in the Cleveland of Londons. The sky is the limit, and technically space is just beyond that, so really, space is the limit, where young writers can propel themselves to the Karachi of planets, which is very much akin to the Savannah of moons, or the Moon Rivers of lakes, and so many lakes like that are in our midst, as are young writers, which will soon be old writers, which are the best kind of writers, because that means they're that much closer to dying, which is important in any literary community, to make space for the younger writers.